Purpose, as pain relief

Purpose can often seem like such a grand notion and some of us may put pay checks and avoiding pain at the top of our list, not realising the importance purpose plays in our overall wellbeing.

We speak a lot about understanding and treating past traumas, which is of course crucial, but so is looking ahead and having a sense of direction that can catapult you out of bed in the mornings.

Living without a purpose often feels like drifting through life without direction, where days blend together, motivation is low, and actions can start to seem empty or pointless, which can easily increase our vulnerability to stress, low mood, and a sense that nothing really matters.

Could comfort be killing you slowly?

For years therapist have taught us to dig up the past, point fingers at parents who have only done the best they could with the tools they had and to revel in our feelings for far too long. It is of course important to understand the details and circumstances of your past and the events that shaped you, but if you keep staring in the rear-view mirror for too long, you will inevitably crash. There needs to be a cut-off point. Acknowledging your feelings is important but dwelling on the past is just futile.

There is something called the Progress Paradox, a key study highlighting that despite dramatic improvements in material conditions, like longer lifespans, reduced poverty, and greater access to comforts, self-reported life satisfaction and happiness have stagnated or declined in affluent nations. Surveys show rising expectations outpace gains, as people quickly adapt to luxuries, normalizing them and perceiving ordinary challenges as hardships. Life has become somewhat too comfortable. I truly believe that a lot of us are stuck in a limbo of sorts where our issues don’t hurt enough, and our everyday life is just about ok on paper. We are living comfortably but often describing feeling stuck.

In life there are two main motivators, either fear or desire. You either desperately want to escape, stay away from a certain situation, motivating you to take action or you want something so badly, it’s all you can think about. For many of us the lines are blurred, the evening TV show streaming or quick dopamine hits soften the pain of the day, making it just bearable enough, and ensuring you do nothing about it. Day after day, everything stays the same, but with time depression, low mood creeps in, making you question why you’re even on this planet.

To make matters worse, most of us are consistently fighting for our current comforts, perhaps without even realising it. Our mind loves what is familiar and deems anything unfamiliar as a potential threat. Unfortunately, it’s a lot like an addiction to pain killers. Don’t believe me? Just take a look at where you are spending your money daily. Are you complaining about the extra weight on your mid-section but refuse to give up the daily 300 calorie double cream coffee? Are you upset about your business not growing fast enough but you spend the whole weekend out on the town instead of upskilling, managing your marketing or studying SEO?

Choosing the immediate dopamine hit instead of delaying gratification is the new smoking and our comforts are killing us slowly but surely. So, whenever you feel the strong pull of the couch or messages blowing up your phone with enticing invitations, ask yourself; which choice would make me be more proud of myself and proceed accordingly, while keeping the bigger picture in mind!

What’s been blocking your success

Alongside the limbo I described earlier, I found that sadly, most people don’t even know how to dream. There is no motivation because there is absolutely no direction, no desire, no destination. Even the thought of dreaming feels outrageous to many, and as if they would have to immediately justify themselves in front of a grand jury, as to why they would dare to dream at all. Some feel embarrassed, ashamed, even guilty and cannot imagine that their life could be different. With such beliefs, you can be sure that there will never be any progress, so just queue the self-sabotage now.

If you are among those who actually know what they want, it’s time take a moment and get an understanding of what you are truly afraid of and what’s been hindering your progress so far. Spend some time and imagine what the worst-case scenario is and how you would feel and deal with it. Let’s say you finally want to start your own decorating business. This would imply having to put yourself, your name out there to get paying clients. You may feel embarrassed, vulnerable and tense but none of those feelings are life threatening. You can get through it, you can succeed. Feelings are not facts and thoughts are mostly just noise! Listening to every single thought you ever have, means completely giving your power away over your life.

Another silent killer of success, can of course be limiting beliefs, like "I'm not worthy" or "success isn't worth the hassle" creating self-sabotage, avoiding risks to prevent perceived loss. Fear of failure, change, or judgment holds us back from opportunities, favouring familiarity over growth. Insufficient confidence or tracking progress also leads to giving up just before any breakthroughs happen.

Finally, let’s not forget that saying yes to everything drains energy and prevents focus on our priorities, often stemming from autopilot living or fear of disappointing others. Too many distractions, like social media or constant reactivity, waste time and let opportunities slip away.

These are just some ideas to illustrate the dense forest of friction and road blocks most of us have to deal with, so it’s really important to know what you want and to have a guiding north star in your life.

Finding the right path

Having a purpose matters because it acts like an inner compass: it organizes your life, protects your mental health, and is linked with better physical health and even longer life. Who doesn’t want that?

Most of us believe that if we have a purpose in life, we will be happier. Research consistently shows that people who give, tend to experience greater and more sustained happiness than those who merely receive. So, in line with that idea, take a moment to consider if you are already doing that. Is there an aspect of your life where you focus on providing value to others? If there isn’t, how could you do more of that? How would you be able to contribute to society, to your community in a meaningful way? Contributing doesn’t mean that you have to form a foundation that donates 7 figure amounts each year to a noble cause.

Creating beautiful floral arrangements for events or selling sumptuous sandwiches that put a smile on people’s faces, can also be meaningful. Having a purpose is something deeply personal and it needs to make sense to you, not everyone else around.

Some say you should leave the world better than you found it, but what does that even mean? Where do you actually start when trying to determine your life purpose?

Evolution says you need to procreate, everyday life says you need to pay bills, and everyone around seems to have an agenda, always pulling you in 100 different directions. As with most things, there needs to be balance.

Where a lot of people go wrong, is that they take an all or nothing approach. They might have an idea of what they would truly like to do and pursue, but deem it far too ambitious or even outrageous. So, before we throw the baby out with the bathwater, let’s consider this. You work a 9 to 5 job that is deeply unfulfilling, you dread being there most days but you are well aware that those bills aren’t going to pay themselves, no matter how much you complain, so you carry on. Financial obligations are a real issue but you can find fulfilment after work hours as well. Let’s say you really wanted to become a nurse and help people; it was your true passion but unfortunate circumstances have led you to a repetitive desk job where spreadsheets suck the life out of you little by little each day. An option would be to volunteer at a nursing home, where you could truly support those who need it most. Doing that a few days a week or month, could give you that sense of purpose you crave. You shouldn’t give up on your dreams just because you can’t do it perfectly, exactly, or precisely the way you initially imagined. Be willing to adapt and sometimes correct your course.

In order to determine the path, you wish to take, you really need to understand your core values. This is not only important in the initial phase but it’s also a tool that will help you make good decisions later down the line. Knowing your values is crucial for finding purpose because they serve as the foundational building blocks that reveal what truly matters, providing clarity and direction to align your life with authentic goals rather than external expectations. Without this understanding, purpose feels vague and even unattainable, leading to poor decisions, inner conflict, and reduced fulfilment, while alignment boosts your resilience, motivation, and overall well-being.

Values act as a personal compass for choices, helping you prioritize meaningful actions and goals that reflect your core self, making it easier to pursue purpose consistently. They prevent drifting into unfulfilling paths by filtering opportunities through what energizes and sustains you. Reflecting on values uncovers moments of pride and motivation from your past, shaping a purpose that feels genuine and energizing rather than imposed. This process fosters authenticity, stronger relationships, and a deep satisfaction from living in a way that’s true to yourself.

To identify your top five core values, reflect on crucial life moments (e.g., times of pride, energy, or frustration) and match them to a short list of common values like health, growth, connection, authenticity, and contribution, prioritizing those that consistently energize you. Once you have shortlisted a few, and decided what traits you want to embody, take a moment and imagine decisions through the lens of these values. Do they feel right for you?

Living with purpose

The absolute first step is to identify the mismatch between what you want and where you are. A mismatch between what you want and where you are shows up as a recurring tension between your stated goals, your daily behaviour, and how satisfied you actually feel in key areas of life. You can identify it by explicitly mapping your values and goals, rating your real-life satisfaction, and then noticing where your actions and emotions consistently disagree with your intentions.

Once you connect with your purpose, life gains depth, not because it becomes easy, but because you know why you’re moving through the hard parts. Challenges turn into teachers, and even uncertainty feels meaningful. You begin to live less from fear and more from conviction.

Purpose is both a path and a practice. It’s cultivated through daily choices, small acts of integrity, and alignment between thought, word, and action. Ultimately, living with purpose is less about chasing something outside yourself and more about coming home to who you already and truly are.

Having a purpose is not another life hack or affirmation. It’s the why behind every meaningful action. It doesn’t tell you exactly what to do tomorrow but it helps you understand why you’re doing it in the first place. When life feels scattered or uncertain, purpose acts as a compass. It brings coherence to your goals and helps you filter out distractions that don’t serve your deeper growth.

A purposeful life isn’t perfect, it’s not meant to be. It reflects who you are and what you’re becoming. The more you act in alignment with your deeper “why,” the more peace, momentum, and fulfilment you’ll experience.

Many people ask, why we are even here, what is the meaning of life, why do we even bother if we just die anyway, and this is where I would say, that embracing the journey is more important than the actual destination. We are alive to explore, create impact, and evolve, with purpose providing the "why" that transforms challenges into meaningful progress. Perhaps we don’t need to solve what is probably one of the biggest questions for humanity. Some say that life has no inherent meaning, so humans create it through free choices and authentic actions, turning existence into essence. Be the person who is not just alive, but knows how to live, and inspire others positively with your actions.