Have you noticed how you keep trying different things to overcome the problems in your life, whether it's relationship problems, money blocks or even anxiety and you get temporary solutions at best?!
There are 2 reasons for this!
You are not digging deep enough. You are not getting to the root cause of the issue.
Your mind is running the show instead of you.
What does that even mean?! I’m sure you’re asking as your cross your arms in front of you and lean to the side!
Not to worry! If you’ve read any of my previous blogs, you already know I won’t leave you hanging :)
Notice that earlier I said - It's all gone wrong. That means that it wasn't always like this.
As we grow up, unfortunately we pick up limiting beliefs along the way. These may come from family, friends or even school. Everyone feels the need to give us their opinion about how we should be or what we are 'doing wrong' and so on.
Now the trouble is that we take, the sometimes not so constructive criticism on board as a child, and it ends up running our lives even in our adult years.
That's right! A 5-year-old is still making your decisions today!
When we are born, we have no limitations. We know we are completely lovable, wonderful, and worthy of it all. We don't question ourselves and we certainly don't give up.
When you were just a baby learning to walk, how many times did you fall?
Did you think for a moment that maybe I'll just stay down? Perhaps this walking business just isn't for me? NO! Absolutely NOT, you kept on trying until you were walking. No excuses!
That is exactly the kind of strong belief system we need to reignite!
How do we do that?
Old beliefs that we’ve had for many years and have formed in our developmental years can be challenging to change but not impossible.
Becoming aware of them is the first and most important step.
Realising what we do and where the behaviour is coming from is incredibly liberating.
After we become more aware of, not only our behaviour but where it stems from, we can begin to question it. Once we do that, I guarantee it will start to lose its power over us.
When I was growing up my literature teacher always gave me a hard time. She criticised every word I wrote, I could never do anything well enough, and I always had bad grades.
This went on for 8 years.
I was convinced that I’m simply not smart enough and I just have to come to terms with it.
When it came to our final exam though, I was in for a surprise. We had examiners from another school and they were not only unbiased, but they were simply blown away by my presentation. I got the highest mark possible. I walked out of the room speechless.
I just kept asking myself over and over again…”could it be that I’m not so sh*t at this? Is it possible that I’m good at literature? What’s going on?”
After that exam and that whole experience, I was able to shake that belief and I felt so much better about myself. I felt that my hard work actually paid off and I wasn’t so stupid after all! It’s a pretty good feeling! :) I encourage everyone to try it!
When we’re young and impressionable it’s hard to question adults, at least we don’t do it as much. Once we’re passed a certain age though and we feel the urge to better our lives, it's high time to question old and limiting beliefs.
I can already smell the scepticism and I can feel those arms getting crossed again. Some of you even raising an eyebrow!
You may be thinking something along the lines of: “What if I am just stupid though, not everyone is born equally. I just don’t think I’m that smart.”
Let me stop you right there! Have you ever heard of Jim Kwik?
If not, I think it’s about time you did!
Jim Kwik has coached people like billionaire Elon Musk, some of his other clients include Google, Virgin, Nike, Fox Studios to name a few, and that’s not even the impressive part of the story.
Jim was once referred to as the “boy with the broken brain”. A childhood head injury at the age of 5 left him struggling in school and he had enormous difficulties when it came to learning. He battled his way through his school years, but fate led him to a mentor who pointed Jim in the right direction. He went on to learn about his brain and how to use it better.
I could go on and on about Jim’s story, but the bottom line is, if a boy with a broken brain can become a world class coach and a phenomenon, then I think we all need to re-examine our potential.
I don’t believe that anyone is stupid, they just haven’t been shown the right methods yet.
Your mind is incredibly powerful, and we need to make sure that your mind works for you and not against you.
Here's the all-important question!
Do you think you're in control of your mind and your thoughts?
Spoilers, most of us aren't! We just like to think we are...
We need to make sure we understand how our mind works and use it to our advantage.
I can teach you exactly how to do that!
Don't get discouraged though, I promise you, it won't take a lifetime :)
Now, just like in any good partnership we need to know what our mind wants as well.
Our minds main job is to keep us alive and safe!
It's exactly like a radar looking for danger or like an overprotective mother. Whether you realise it or not, your decision making is based around this, every single time, every minute of the day!
Another very important factor to know is that 95% of the day, our subconscious mind is running the show! That leaves only 5% of our daily decisions to the thinking/ conscious mind. That's astounding. That is exactly why we need to make sure that our subconscious is fuelled with the right and empowering beliefs. Notice how we’ve gone full circle.
If you decide to work on one thing in your life, please let it be your beliefs.
Help is available, there are many books and videos that will tell you how to improve or build belief in yourself, but I have to say, they don't always go all the way. Something is missing.
It’s as if you get a superficial filling for an aching tooth when what you actually needed was a root canal. Sure, it’s more time consuming and complex but it actually addresses the real problem. Finding out where your limiting beliefs are coming from, what event in your past triggered it, is incredibly important if you want to be able to move forward. You mustn't be afraid to dig deep! Your subconscious has all the answers. Never be afraid to ask for help. There is no shame in wanting to improve your life! Allow me to give you an example.
When I was growing up, I was always compared to my mom who was a straight A student and to my brother who was not only a genius in science but had a fantastic hand at sculptures and drew like a god! Pair that with people saying things like:
”Well if he’s the brains, guess you must be left with beauty?”. Like it was out of the question that my mom could have 2 smart kids?!
I was young, and impressionable. I took the bait. I quickly labelled myself as ‘average’.
Not stupid but not very bright either.
I’ll never forget, one night as I sat outside and I was gazing at the stars, I though to myself: "Wow they are fascinating. If only I was smart enough to comprehend physics, I would love to be an astronomer."
My brother was great at science and especially physics, so how could I stand a chance? According to the relatives, there simply wasn’t enough brains left in the family for little old me. I laugh about now, but how sad is that?
Until I started to really work on myself, and as mentioned, until I started to dig deep, it didn't even occur to me that I could be different, that I don't have to carry that label around anymore. I've known myself all my life like this, so when ever I was faced with a challenge, I went back to what I've known all this time and told myself that I'm not particularly smart, it just isn't for me. I gave up before I even gave it a try.
This brings me beautifully to my next point though. I want all round perfection.
I want to make sure that the 5% conscious / decision making mind is also taken care of.
Updating our beliefs to new and empowering ones is fantastic, but it goes hand in hand with the way we speak to ourselves. We have to become aware, catch ourselves in the moment and we must always use, strong, positive and you guessed it, empowering words as well!
When we’re facing a new, potentially challenging task, we must encourage and cheer ourselves on! The language and the words we use will have a massive impact on the outcome. I don’t care if it feels ‘silly’, I don’t care if it’s uncomfortable, just do it! What is new and uncomfortable will soon become normal, and you will thank yourself for it. JUST GIVE IT A GO!